my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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