I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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