My balls are so social today.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
