Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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