god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
