I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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