8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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