So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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