My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
