Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
