you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
