so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
