I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
When did we convert life to cartoon?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
