im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Your dad touched me again.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
