How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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