I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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