I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
