Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
