She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
