if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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