Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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