Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize