Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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