Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
