The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
