She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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