he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize