The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
