so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
