I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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