For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
