Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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