I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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