he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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