Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
