Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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