I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
