Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
