he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I have fence marks all over my body
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
