The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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