Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
