If that was your dad, he is hot
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize