I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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