Your mouth is God's brothel.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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