Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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