I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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