I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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