Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
