just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i dont even know how to be here
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
