I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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