You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
