Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize