your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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