He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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