Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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