Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
