The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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