watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
