no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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