You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
