I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
