Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
