He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
