wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
