there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
