I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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