Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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