About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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