if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
