the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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