im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
