In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
