i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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