Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My ATM looks so different sober.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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