I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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