I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
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