I'm really into asian looking animals
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize