I hate all girls vehemently.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
