when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
