it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
