My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
