So drunk, too bad you don't want this
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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