That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
