The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize