i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
