her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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