At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
