I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
