i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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