it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The convent might be a nice break from real life
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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