Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
