I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize