Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
