i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
