dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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