I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
ugly people sure do ruin things
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
