I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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