so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
