You really coming over, don't trick.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
