someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
