Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
